...Life Goes on...

So the flat isn't mine... I have to wait a lot longer than anticipated but i guess... Life goes on... :)

As one door closes, another opens...

...As they say

Well today I went shopping for things for the new flat that fingers crossed I will get it...

...And hopefully will not be too long,but good things come to those who wait... 

Winter Wonderland...

OK so yes we are stuck in the snow, at least someone is enjoying it...I am as well :) Sledging sledge less...

We are stuck in...This was early days now it is deeper...But i love it, no school for a few days...

Billy and His "baby"...

Milly&Billy...

i think to my self "OK so i am now bored with staying in, so sledging must be an option"...

We don't have a sledge, every year when it snows mother says "i will get a sledge as soon as i can get out i will" but then when the snow goes we all forget and then only when it snows next year do we want a sledge again... so anyway back to the snow me and my youngest sister and my friend went sledging down a hill on a carrier bag that didn't work, the morrisons strong bag that didn't work, OK plan c our bums, that worked but killed OK so i am just going to run and dive on the floor and hope i survive although the blackberry was a little worse for wear...

We had enough after about an hour so we walked through a field that appeared to be deep, but how deep only became apparent after jumping in and we sunk to our feet, OK so it was only up to our knee's but that's pretty deep. For my little sister anyway she was basically all in Bless....

Home, Cup of Hot Tea, Tv, Fire=All warmed up and happy...

...Everything Is Sorted Out...

...Earlier this week things were a mess, it was hard, when everything's a mess and my head is just all over the place. I need to know that the certain people are there. I am needy and when i can't get what i need it's hard and yesterday i sorted everything out and you would be amazed at how quickly things can be fixed but the amount of stress and pain it causes it silly. So i am happy that everything is sorted out...

...It's my birthday in 10 days and i will be 16 ThankGod... It is long awaited and as soon as i can get somewhere to live i am going to move out and get a place of my own so that i can start my life as me and try and fix the stuff that has happened in the past, i don't know if that can ever be fixed but i want to make sure that i don't make my children's life like mine, i want them to grow up in a house that is happy and full of love and kindness, i want them to know that they can come to me about anything and that no matter what i will love them because i know i will love them unconditionally because i haven't had that and it feels shit.

I don't have any visitors yet...

God works in Mysterious Ways!

Well i woke up this morning fairly early, and generally upbeat. I was waiting for my lift because i was going sailing with sea cadets and some Russians from Chernobyl were coming, i wanted to help out. I got my self ready and waited at the post office. There were some birds bathing in a puddle next me and it was such a refreshing site, i thought oh they are so free. It was a beautiful site that made me think.

I got to the lake and we out all the boats out for the children of chernobyl to come. They arrived and i was taken back at how cheerful they were, We had a fantastic day sailing it was good, only went in one and a half times ( the half because all of my legs were in). I even got to drive the power boat which is amazing and emence, i went super fast. i also had fun communicating with the Russians me and my team mate had a little hand signal going :) it was pretty fun, they will probably never have an experience like this ever again because there life expectancy is only 23 :(

Anyway after a fabulous day it ended on a low point

after spending the day having fun and enjoying myself, no one mentioned that the PO at our unit had passed away, i had only seen him the day before, and he was fine and he was a perfectly lovely man, well last night he had a severe heart attack and he didn't make it. it made me really think because not long ago i also nearly lost a very dear friend of mine to a mini brain haemorrhage. It just made me think that life can be ripped out of your hands so quickly!

Music, What It Means Too Me!

-What music means to me-
Music means everything to me! The times when i am alone, but need someone. i cuddle up with my quilt and listen to music,That's what gets me through, that and the welcoming arms of someone i love,(not family just an amazing person).But i just don't get to tell them very often, because i don't have a clue about what they feel, and i am scared of saying something which will ruin what we have, some people i know, know i love them, but just one person doesn't which is kind of hard.
Its amazing what someone's arms can make you feel like, Anyway, Back to MUSIC* : )

they might say hi and i might say hey
but you shouldn't worry about what they say
cause they got nothin' on you baby
nothin' on you baby


hands down there will never be another one
i been around and i never seen another one
look at your style I ain't really got nothin' on
and you wild when you ain't got nothing on
baby you the whole package plus you pay your taxes
and you keep it real while them other stay plastic
you're my wonder women call me mr. fantastic
stop.. now think about it

Those are my favourite lyrics, because its a song about love and girls feeling like they aren't as good as everyone else. which i am sure every girl has felt before : ) x

P.S many of time has my iPod been my saviour,x GreeniPod ILoveYou,x

Rough Patch

Its easily said that i am going throught a rough patch, but how long is this dahn rough patch going to last?

I Have been hanging in there and wondering, but no change.
I am struggling at the moment and have amazing people stood right beside me, but there isn't anything they can do and the only way i can become happy again is if i move out. but i have to wait until november to move out! so basically i am stuck living with a witch and no one is listening to me that i am not living there anymore. no matter what i say or do they don't listen!
I am afraid to say that i will just have to shout a little louder and make sure that they understand how much i am hurting, because i am hurting so bad. i can't bere it any longer.

The thought of the summer holidays is shitting me up, all alone and no-one to phone or hug! its going to be hard but its going to be my last at this school, i also have a plan for this holiday, i am going to see who is dead wood and who isn't.
I Am foinf to make sure that the peopl in my life that really mean something i keep and the rest are going to get a shock, i am not a doormat, and i will no longer be walked all over, because at the moment thats all i am to them.
Well i am off to have a cup of coffee in a coffee shop :)....

I Hate change,
I really do.
And i know its sad, but i hate moving with the times i would rather stay the same.

Breast Cancer

On Loose women they are talking about breast cancer,
and it brings back memories of when i was about 8 or 9 and my best friend at the time ashleigh's mum was diagnosed with cancer. And i remember her fighting it, and sadly she lost the battle. She died, i remember i went into school and there was a newspaper and in it said her name carol. She'd died,

It brings back memories.
I liked her a lot, after that i also lost my best friend, not as in the body, as in the spirit, she wasn't the same understandably but she turned into an alien, and to me she wasn't the same every again, she is still an alien to me.

RIP Carol.

Looking Back

I am doing work experience at the moment. I am taking care of children aged 5-9 and its crazy but i love it, Its so weird because i am back to where i went to primary school. The same teachers, the same smell, its all the same, except the fact that i am not the one sat on the carpet trying my best to be the one that is sitting the nicest. :L That was all we did was learn things we thought was fun and try and impress the teacher, which i must say was the best at, My teacher was the best and i loved her, i still do,
she made me like school. I only spent 2 years in her class but they were the only memories i really think of when i look back, I miss the school, i miss the naivety of it all, the biggest problem was choosing what colour to use, and the biggest decision i had to make was who i played with, its kinda funny. But now i have so many problems and so much decisions to make. It wasn't all Rosie thought, i did have a lot of hard times there when i hated it,But i got by because i had this teacher who would be there for me if i was upset or wanted to talk. She was there, and she was the person who hugged me everyday and that is something i miss a lot as well. I have people i am close to now and i love them to pieces i really do, but it feels like i am forcing it on them whereas when i was little i didn't make the first move she did and i didn't really care about anything but now i worry about the fact that i am close to a TA who is probably not allowed to carry on our relationship when we have left, because i would love to, but that's another thing that i don't have control over.

I have slightly lead of track :)
But yeah today one of the Ta's said she was in the playground and a little hand just slipped into hers and that made me think really hard because i used to do that, i would just go up to one of them and slip my hand in, and they would look down at me with a big smiley face, i miss that :) It makes me all fuzzy inside because i remember so well how i loved everyone except one teacher, and i generally liked all the teachers. But now i am a stroppy teenager who hates everyone that try's and makes me do "WORK"like it is a chore or optional, but this experience has taught me that i love kids and i love being part of a team, and it also has taught me that i need "Them 2" a lot and i am going to have to start loosing grip a little because i have to let go a little bit sometimes. Anyways i am going to get a visit of one of them soon and hopefully have a little chat because i haven't had a moan to anybody in ages, kind of annoying, but i can't wait.

Off to Youth Club :) x